Your New Normal - 8 Simple Ways To Help Your Family Thrive After Pandemic Stress
Expert tips that will surely help your family
You are probably still working to re-establish a consistent routine for you and your family after all of the schedule changes due to the pandemic lockdowns and disruptions.
Work interruptions. School interruptions. Family routine interruptions. The lack of consistency of schedule and uncertainty about the future for your family can cause lots of stress and requires intentional strategies to reduce the impact.
Additional stress on you and your family can show up as behavioral changes and emotional response challenges. Perhaps everyone seems a bit more irritable and less willing to compromise, even more so with the increased stress. Others may seem to be more easily distracted or hyper-aroused.
You may be challenged to know what’s best for your family at this time. As a parent, it can be helpful to be more aware of how the pandemic disruptions have specifically impacted your child. Each child reacts to increase stress differently. And that’s true even for children in the same family.
Stress expert and child psychologist, Dr. Bruce Perry, has some simple things to share that you can do to help your family during stressful and uncertain times.
Dr. Perry says stress does not necessarily have to be a bad thing if you respond in ways that increase your resilience. (Your resilience is your ability to bounce back and be stronger when facing stress in the future.)
1. Structure your day. As plans and expectations may still seem jumbled and confused, you can aim to maintain consistent routines with your child(ren). Your child(ren) are more tolerant to stress when it is introduced in predictable ways, such as daily chores, bedtime routines, etc. It is when stress is unpredictable, extreme, and prolonged, that children become more vulnerable, rather than resilient.
2. Have family meals. Mealtime is a great way to preserve structure and routine while checking in with your children. If there are behavioral issues or family problems to discuss, you can ensure that your children feel safe and heard first. This will make them more receptive to your message.
Dr. Perry says, “We must regulate people before we can possibly persuade them with a cognitive argument or compel them with an emotional affect.” You can help your children regulate, then relate, then reason.
(Also make sure what your family is eating is healthy and good for your gut. Your gut health is crucial to maintaining good moods and healthy outlooks.)
3. Limit media and social media. While navigating your way through this pandemic, you’re probably experiencing lots of fear, and same for your child(ren). Emotions are contagious, and children will sense when others are anxious or upset. In a state of fear, children rely more heavily on primitive parts of the brains. You should avoid media that is violent and/or worrisome, which can further activate the stress response system.
When feeling anxious, your child is unprepared to learn to use the more sophisticated parts of his/her brain. Technology can be an excellent tool to build connection with others while physically distant, but relying on media too heavily can replace time spent developing empathy, learning to ease another’s stress, and connecting emotionally.
4. Exercise. Dr. Perry says the best way to fight any fear or anxiety is by getting your body moving. Exercise and sport can help your brain get out of its fear state.
“The only way to move from these super-high anxiety states, to calmer more cognitive states, is rhythm. Patterned, repetitive rhythmic activity: walking, running, dancing, singing, repetitive meditative breathing – you use brain stem-related somatosensory networks which make your brain accessible to relational (limbic brain) reward and cortical thinking.”
5. Reach out. Healthy relationships are calming. Connecting with others is one of your greatest tools. Dr. Perry says, “The most powerful buffer in times of stress and distress is our social connectedness; so let’s all remember to stay physically distant but emotionally close. Reach out and connect.”
Handling such unprecedented circumstances is nearly impossible on your own. It is ok to reach out, seek help, and accept assistance. Taking care of your own needs is vital when it comes to meeting the needs of your child(ren). An upset child cannot be calmed by an upset parent.
6. Help others. Many people who have experienced adversity in the past, are in a state of sensitization and vulnerability. They may have experienced poverty, racism, violence, marginalization, etc., which increases the impact from the additional stress. You can reach out to these individuals who are already prone to an overactive stress response.
“The real crisis of this current pandemic is not necessarily the next six months,” says Dr. Perry, “It really is, What are we going do with the social and emotional toll that this is having on individuals and families, who will remain the most marginalized for the next six decades?”
7. Practice good sleep hygiene. It is not unusual for you to be in a heightened state of alarm during this pandemic, feeling the need to always be ready for a threat. Your dreams may become more vivid and scarier. You may find yourself getting more physically and emotionally exhausted at a faster pace than normal.
Sleeping a bit longer is normal while your body is in a heightened state of alertness. You can get more restful sleep if you exercise in the morning or afternoon, wind down with calming activities, and avoid late eating and screen watching.
8. Stay positive and future-focused. Dr. Perry says, “The same way anxiety and panic is contagious, so is calm…Don’t underestimate your power to bring calm to others and don’t underestimate the impact of dysregulated people on you.”
When you stay calm and regulated, those around you will feel less distressed. When you interact with things that deregulate you such as an abundance of negative news stories or unhealthy, even triggering, relationships, you can act to get regulated again by meeting the needs of your brain and body - using music, movement, social connections, journal writing, etc.
During times of increased stress, it’s always best to show more compassion and tolerance for those around you, as everyone is affected differently by stress. For your child(ren), consistent routines, healthy activities and safe connection is what will help keep them calm.
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